Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Astral and paranormal experiences, dreams and visions.
Angolmois

Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Angolmois »

A brief personal exegesis about this week. The recent full moon period was one of changing moods which caused a lot of havoc in the internal worlds and had its effect on outer things also. At the same time a cycle of Laguz rune - the rune of "the waters" - began which was like the great flood of subconscious material coming into surface, both in good and bad sense. I destroyed in an instant everything I have ever written on esoteric subjects, stopped invoking Odin, cursed the Gods that I follow and beneath the calm surface of boring life I was enraged and without humor. Perhaps this was that Odin's impulsive and unpredictable nature that I experienced. If I would have had more money, I would've drowned myself in alcohol in hope of release from this aridity of the soul (Laguz in merkstave). In the mornings I had a different opinion of things than in the afternoons, and in the evenings I had a different view than in the mornings and afternoons. I felt like becoming a lunatic in a very real sense of the term (I don't mean psychosis), a full moon maniac.

Have you experienced something like this ever? How have you dealt with it? How to stop becoming a lunatic in times of full moon when one is overtly sensitive to its effects?
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Nefastos
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Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Nefastos »

Yes, "the dawn of the New Age" has been quite black so far, as might have been expected. I too have once again had a very stressful week without being able to sleep much because of intense nervous disorder due to psychical & physical frustration. I cope by forcing myself to keep in work. Every day I cling to the tasks that are at least partly ultimately pointless but what I have chosen to do, and these different works & completing of social responsibilities becomes like a lifebuoy to keep on the surface of the black astral water. Every time the pain & madness gets overwhelming one just collects himself once again at the first possible opportunity, and keeps going. Endlessly, and without thinking too much of it. Self-pity is a poison leading to alcoholism & similar wretched states of collapsed existence.

Yesterday at the point when I had done everything there was to do & could only lie on the floor in anguish, I chose to watch Evil Dead 2 which has been on my shelf about nine years, waiting to be watched. It turned out to be an excellent choice, since it contained this mad scene that captured my mental state quite perfectly.
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
Angolmois

Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Angolmois »

Nefastos wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:20 am I cope by forcing myself to keep in work. Every day I cling to the tasks that are at least partly ultimately pointless but what I have chosen to do, and these different works & completing of social responsibilities becomes like a lifebuoy to keep on the surface of the black astral water.
Damn I miss those days when I was full of energy, motivation and inspiration, and had my day full of responsibilities and tasks. There was not a dull moment in life. Nowadays I have nothing - absolutely nothing - left of those things, and the society won't accept me as its member into the workforce. This leaves my days in hellish limbo, where I just walk around in my apartment not knowing what to do. Occasionally I might pick up a book and read, or listen to music, or write a journal, but that's about it. I really don't know how I have managed this far without killing myself - oh wait, I tried that.
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Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Angolmois »

Nefastos wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:20 am Yesterday at the point when I had done everything there was to do & could only lie on the floor in anguish, I chose to watch Evil Dead 2 which has been on my shelf about nine years, waiting to be watched. It turned out to be an excellent choice, since it contained this mad scene that captured my mental state quite perfectly.
Perhaps the dream I mentioned in the Mount Argarizim topic was after all about this diabolical lunacy and the actions you take to keep above the astral waters; since while you succeeded in building the mechanical device - "ultimately pointless tasks" - I failed.
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Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Nefastos »

Rúnatýr wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 2:52 pmDamn I miss those days when I [...] had my day full of responsibilities and tasks. There was not a dull moment in life. Nowadays I have nothing - absolutely nothing - left of those things, and the society won't accept me as its member into the workforce.

It is possible to every human being, no matter what the state one is in, to do Work, in case he has a single working aspect in his constitution. Even a paralyzed person can contribute, much more so someone who can move his limbs, or his tongue, or his fingers on a keyboard. In case you would like to discuss what Work one can do, we can start another topic for that.
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
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Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Polyhymnia »

I haven't paid much attention to whether or not the full moon physically affects me or not, but I am very familiar with my own mood swings and impulses making me feel like an insane person. A younger me used to self-harm out of desperation for some semblance of control, or immerse myself in heavy drug use. The relief was always so temporary and the damaging effects so hard to reverse. I'm in my mid-30s now and I still sometimes have trouble undoing those terrible hooks I spent years putting into my own psyche.
I have found that once I start to feel that terrible scale starting to tip (for me, this feeling happens in between my heart and my throat, a dense fog that I almost feel I could rip my flesh open and scoop out) I force myself to meditate for a minimum of 20 minutes. Something happens for me between the 15th and 20th minute that calms that feeling enough that I can move onto another productive task, something that allows me to expend some of that physical energy. Playing an instrument, journaling, or putting on some music and singing loudly. Baking, cleaning. And then from there I continue stabilizing by immersing myself in some form of Work, be it a yogic practice, a writing practice, getting my highlighter out and tackling a difficult passage. I also find gratitude is a very good way to cancel out the tendency to self-destruct.
I think a thread on the work we can do when we feel as though we can't work is a very good idea! I know I would find much value in the reminder of the things I can do on the days when I feel I'm useless.
Also, Evil Dead 2 is awesome. Great choice and great clip!
"Limited love asks for possession of the beloved, but the unlimited asks only for itself." -Kahlil Gibran
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Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Nefastos »

Polyhymnia wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:53 amI also find gratitude is a very good way to cancel out the tendency to self-destruct.

Yes. People tend to misunderstand this in the Right Hand Path (Christian, New Age...) circles. Too often this is taken in a way that one should willingly blind oneself from their problems, of from suffering of the world. But cultivating gratitude is not such. Like it is with two eyes we have, using both at the same time creates our understanding of depth, but we can still focus on the sight of either one if needed. The two eyes of the soul are critical intelligence and empathetic love. When there are many problems & the critical intelligence has already been used to the point it helps, we can and should focus to the other eye, whose emphasized vision brings about the much needed calm & warmth. The other eye is always there with it, even though we choose not to focus on it at the points when we have noticed that its use only worsens the situation.

Nowadays I go to sleep with the prayer of gratitude as the last thing of the day, and the first thing I do after getting up is another prayer, also involving this gratitude. For even though I feel every day that I suffer more than I can handle, and have felt that so many years, there are so great things in my life that there is also a cornucopia of incredible blessings always present. Even should I finally at some point truly break up irreversibly, I must put every atom of effort against such death of the soul. At the point I didn't feel completely this same way in my youth there was a secret mindset where I experienced some tiny spark of pleasure from my wretchedness; an unnoticed shadow of the wrong idea that some other entity would be connected to my possible fall – someone else would help, or feel responsible in some way. (It's hard to put this attempt to avoid total personal responsibility into words, but people who have struggled must know what I mean.) But no: there is absolutely no one to carry us in their divine or human hands should we fall; the choice is ours and ours only, to stand to help the world around & inside us, or to fall prone, in childish whining that someone else should feel responsible for our fall. Gods, angels, masters, fates, friends, some distorted recollection of parents? There is no such to help us, for the prize of the aspirant must be his own when claimed, and thus the Work too must be his alone.
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
Angolmois

Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Angolmois »

Nefastos wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 8:55 am
Rúnatýr wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 2:52 pmDamn I miss those days when I [...] had my day full of responsibilities and tasks. There was not a dull moment in life. Nowadays I have nothing - absolutely nothing - left of those things, and the society won't accept me as its member into the workforce.

It is possible to every human being, no matter what the state one is in, to do Work, in case he has a single working aspect in his constitution. Even a paralyzed person can contribute, much more so someone who can move his limbs, or his tongue, or his fingers on a keyboard.
Yes. Many would probably laugh at the idea of spending time for example in this forum (one of the very few places I visit in the whole of internet basically), but I like to think that I'm visiting an "Aquarian Areiopagi" every time I read or write something here. :-)

I have been for long aware that I should find new ways to do the Work - at least I'm seriously thinking all day long - but have yet been unable to change my mindset into finding those ways. Humanitarian work feels like a cop out from my own genius; I've went through those "rehabilitation programs" designed by the current society and it left me in hubris, anger and resentment. Grabbing a guitar and composing music again has been long in my mind, but every time I do that, in five minutes I find myself unmotivated, uninspired, basically just wanting to trash the guitar; I might start a new painting, but my skills have been long deteriorating and I'm not at all satisfied with what I come up with. In the turning of the year and by moving into my own apartment the work has consisted simply in putting my life in balance practically, economically, ethically etc. But I'm still a man of action - just have nothing to grasp onto and act in a practical manner - and the vast empty space and time of everyday life that I have in my hands leaves me many times just hovering over my apartment in despair.
Nefastos wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 8:55 am In case you would like to discuss what Work one can do, we can start another topic for that.
We could do that.
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Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Aquila »

It seems that the latest full moon came with some irritating health problems which shouldn't be too serious but make things more difficult. Usually I'm not sensitive to moon phases but I think there is some larger phase going on which causes feelings close to what Rúnatýr and Nefastos have described in this topic (but of course I'm not saying my experiences are similar or that I would know what you are struggling with). Although I've had brighter moments as well, I mostly feel that something dark is constantly lurking beneath the surface which easily leads into depression. I struggle a lot to keep up with everything I have to do but somehow manage to stay in schedules and just do things whether inspired and motivated or not. In a way it's a good place to be. Yet when I thought I could finally have time to be somewhat more laid back, I felt that everything lost it's meaning as I was no longer working on things I have spent most of my time lately. There's one thing that has now taken a more positive direction, though. For long time, when I tried to sleep I felt I was completely emptied but filled with some negative yet "greyish" tension which prevented me from falling asleep. Now I have been able to change that into something more uplifting, a little meditation which leads me into sleep and has helped me to see dreams that have some more meaningful imagery.

Maybe this was off-topic considering the topic itself but I feel it somehow connects with the times we are living in.
Angolmois

Re: Full Moon, Changing Moods and Lunacy

Post by Angolmois »

Aquila wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 3:16 pmAlthough I've had brighter moments as well, I mostly feel that something dark is constantly lurking beneath the surface which easily leads into depression.
I've felt this also. It is like something very uplifting and bright is breaking through the surface, and the darkness is trying to prevent it breaking through. "For the light shineth in the darkness, and darkness comprehend it not."
Aquila wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 3:16 pmFor long time, when I tried to sleep I felt I was completely emptied but filled with some negative yet "greyish" tension which prevented me from falling asleep.
I have had this sense the whole autumn. I might feel balanced, good and even lightful in the evening before going to sleep, not the least because one LONG day is finally finished, and when I hit the bed I start feeling like shit, like everything that is bad or wrong in the world strikes me with a rammstein - be it the political mess or just "the darkness of this world". I haven't been able to cope with it very well which leads me staying awake at night, and then when I finally get some sleep in the early hours, I wake up after a short period of sleep and have to get up. Then I have to go to sleep again in the day which messes up with my schedule of trying to have a balanced daily rhythm.
Aquila wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 3:16 pmNow I have been able to change that into something more uplifting, a little meditation which leads me into sleep and has helped me to see dreams that have some more meaningful imagery.
Last night the above-mentioned thing also happened which lead me into meditating deeply simply by focusing into the heart area and breathing consciously and slowing down my breath while lying in the bed awake, and after this I fell into sleep and slept for 9 hours without remembering any dreams at all (except for a one very short dream scene where a traditional King gave way to a democratic Lady - I read Jean Hani's Divine Royalty before going to sleep). In the morning I felt joy and light-hearted for the first time in years after waking up.
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