Maybe some update in here is in order:
So yes, hi. Last couple of years with this plague situation and everything seems to have turned my life upside down. Yet through this inversion came something positive. Some opportunities have passed to make room for new challenges. After years of lurking in the shadows of The Star of Azazel I decided that since I now have time to fully commit I will apply for membership, and so here I am. Dedicating my focus to the service of the international brotherhood as a member of the Lodge Salome, I will mainly be posting here on the English side of the forum. Please, do forgive my barbaric grammar, and the butchery of your beautiful English language. I have some attention deficit related problems coupled with slight dyslexia, but I'm trying my best.
I am from Northern Finland, born in the early 90's. Religion has been part of my life since childhood. My biological sex is male but regarding gender identity I identify as bi-gender (both male and female genders) so I intuitively felt the title sodalis more descriptive than frater. I take no offence from being addressed as brother, though. I defy my dyslexia by being a hobbyist writer and an aspiring bibliophile. I take pleasure In aesthetics, sensuality, record collecting and toying around with synthesizers and drum machines.
Satan to me was the missing key to sort of make my own "Christianity" and myself whole. I'm putting Christianity in quotations because I was never really a Christian in the ordinary sense, yet it was the basis which I was expanding from with other traditions, mainly Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism and so on, because I was finding Christianity lacking. Having intense spiritual experiences set me on the search for language that would describe what I was experiencing. This searching led me to consider orthodox forms of other religions and leave behind any trace of Christianity all together until it happened that I came to find them all too to be lacking, in some ways or another. Eventually reading Star of Azazel publications made me realize it was Satan that I had been intuitively searching for all long, and not only searching but actually facing already.
He was the one who pulled me towards the Left Hand Path when I was getting too far in the opposite direction. He is the one pushing me so I can one day be strong enough to truly stand in balance on my own. He is the one never giving easy answers, but always offering a challenge to learn how to do better. He is the one pointing me towards Christ and towards God. Maybe one day I won't need Him anymore, but until then He is the one I worship.
So, without any further ramblings. Happy to be here, and looking forward to our future discussions.
P.S. For the sake of continuity let me add that I changed my username recently:
katla ---> Nahumatarah
"The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire."
- Jalāl ad-Dīn Mohammad Rūmī