Why do you live on?

Questions directed to the Star of Azazel.
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Nefastos
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Nefastos » Tue Jan 06, 2015 2:22 pm

Cancer wrote:A while back, when I was (again!) thinking about suicide, I came up with the idea of simply listing things---


I too have made such lists. It is very comforting & much needed when in great stress & close to giving up.

After the full enlightenment has been reached (yes, I believe that is actually possible), I think such lists would most likely include everything, because everything becomes deeply understandable by the heart. Which helps to understand how nirvana, in a way, equals samsara.

Cancer wrote:What love is bound to - and how - is not unimportant. If the joint to something formal is too uncompromising, love becomes choked, and if it's too loose, love dissolves.


That's what I think too. Love is so living & whole a thing that philosophy about what love actually is kills it outright; actual love becomes a love-term or love-word while we are vivisecting it.

By which I don't mean it shouldn't or couldn't be talked about, but that love of the philosophers must be understood to be like a picture of love, or an x-ray of the loved one. (It definitely has its important uses, although using it too much might be bad for one's health...) It's something like the God of theologians, unable to help anybody or even exist on its own. :)
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
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Heith
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Heith » Fri Jan 09, 2015 10:18 pm

Nefastos wrote:
"So then, the very laws of the planet are a lie and the vaudeville of devils. What is there to live for? Answer, if you are a man."

So, what's your answer, dear brothers (& our guests)? For regardless of what is our definition of that "vaudeville of devils" - laws of nature & chance, actually malevolent spirits under the influence of Gnostic archons, or something else - in a way that is truth that's not easily denied, if one is a Satanist & not a believer in pantheons of benevolent deities.
Sometimes, I justify the continuation of my existence with what I hope is a worthy work I give in exchange for the lives I must reap in order to sustain my body, not to mention the strain me being alive puts on the environment. I had to do some hard thinking at one point in my life and I came to the conclusion that as long as I create, I allow myself to exist. It sounds very severe and naive perhaps, but at that time I was very black & white. Still, I do not disagree with this idea and continue to believe in it.

Of course, I live on because I want to and choose to do so- I live on, because I am in love and constantly seek the continued realisation of it. I am in love with the feeling of suddenly understanding how a tree moves in the wind, and with the details on a insect's wing and how these forms correspond with other forms- someone's fingers, or a structure, or how I am able to see and understand the movement of the joints of a rotting roadkill as I slowly move its paw. I don't mean just looking at things and thinking that it's pretty, I mean really seeing things- being awed and humbled by them, and feeling that I am a part of that great experience.

In short, I am in love with understanding by seeing, and with the ways I can record these things for myself- that is to say, eye to hand coordination, in which I process my experience and create a kind of language via my art and with that, sometimes gain more understanding. It's very difficult to describe this with words and I often find it wiser to not speak of it very much. People see, if they can and wish to, and if there is something worth seeing.

I live on because of my Work and the more time progresses, the surer I become that I must do this and that for me, this is the path that I am meant to take. There are of course great difficulties and anxiety because of this, that concern mundane matters but opposition and difficulties always in the end manage to strengthen my resolution even if at times they completely flatten me and I despair, it is only temporary. I am fortunate to have close friends with whom to speak when it gets too much to handle.
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RaktaZoci
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby RaktaZoci » Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:41 am

Let me answer this through a song (yes, I do get the image of Monty Pythons Swamp castle scene from the Hole Grail before my eyes) which unfortunately was not composed or performed by me, but my friends band Smokebender.

http://smokebender.com/?attachment_id=68

The chorus goes:
"Live on, let the others do the dying. Live on, until no more"

Enough said.
die Eule der Minerva beginnt erst mit der einbrechenden Dämmerung ihren Flug.
-Hegel
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Nayana
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Nayana » Wed Jan 28, 2015 2:12 pm

Since I sort of believe in Reincarnation, Eternity would be my reason to go on. If there is no real end to anything, or on the other hand, no true life, there is no way to escape the 'vaudeville of devils' and one can deal with them as well, and grow doing so. Also, I'd agree with fra. Insanus here,
Insanus wrote: The lie & the vaudeville of devils itself should be a sufficient reason to live on as long as my heart doesn't die.
since any denied otherness to one's Self easily can make one a puppet on the strings, in my eyes.


What I personally love enough to keep going is Love itself, not really bound to anything specific, and the possibility of acting according to it, under will (Atma-Buddhi).
Wyrmfang wrote:I think we essentially lack the cognitive access to answer why we really live on.
Agreed - I've thought long about why I actually do name those reasons to live on, and see those thoughts rather as reflection of the actual reason, so to speak. I could, however, easily cast away that construct of thought and still live on according to the same principles, should that ever turn out to be necessary.
"From Fire we create life."
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Polyhymnia
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Polyhymnia » Sun Feb 24, 2019 7:49 am

Nefastos wrote:
Sat Dec 27, 2014 5:05 pm

What do you love so much that it makes this life worth living, or at least bearable?[/color]
In my darkest hours the answer I come up with is always love. Love for my family. The love and joy of seeking knowledge. The love of creating art. I live for the connections that can be forged deeply. There are times I feel consumed with pain, and sometimes wonder if it’s possible to be in so much emotional distress that your physical body dies from it, but almost always these feelings have roots in having loved and lost, and I’m always able to bring myself back to the Tennyson quote, “tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Bit of a paradox, maybe.
"Limited love asks for possession of the beloved, but the unlimited asks only for itself." -Kahlil Gibran
Akaboum
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Akaboum » Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:27 pm

I wanted to end my life often in the past because i suffered from anxiety and i was thinking of suicide many time during a period of 6 years,i made many suicidal gestures.The reasons that kept me from doing it are the fear of making my family suffer and the fear of the unknown (death).I think i never been able to love my life because i knew somehow that i wasn't meant to live long,and last year i learned that i will get kidneys failures in the next 10 years because of a genetical disease.
I'm not suicidal anymore but death will come on it's own sooner than i thought.Now my life consist of preparing myself Spiritually for it.
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Cerastes
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Cerastes » Fri Apr 12, 2019 10:49 am

Akaboum wrote:
Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:27 pm
I wanted to end my life often in the past because i suffered from anxiety and i was thinking of suicide many time during a period of 6 years,i made many suicidal gestures.The reasons that kept me from doing it are the fear of making my family suffer and the fear of the unknown (death).I think i never been able to love my life because i knew somehow that i wasn't meant to live long,and last year i learned that i will get kidneys failures in the next 10 years because of a genetical disease.
I'm not suicidal anymore but death will come on it's own sooner than i thought.Now my life consist of preparing myself Spiritually for it.
Death is what gives life a value.
Like everything else, material life receives it’s intensity only because it is limited.
So I think I can understand what you developed because the step closer to this limitedness has the potential to erase the wish for death.
One force quite often finds its reason in the existence of a counter.

Therefore my honest answer, to what makes me live on is not love, it is death.
I don’t really like this answer because „love“ sounds much more optimistic but that doesn't make it less true.
“Granny Weatherwax was not lost. She wasn't the kind of person who ever became lost. It was just that, at the moment, while she knew exactly where SHE was, she didn't know the position of anywhere else.”
(Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)
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Heith
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Heith » Sat Apr 13, 2019 10:35 pm

I can certainly understand that to understand the limited time one has to exist urges one to live on. It can also be quite soothing, or vivifying. I've heard that there are studies that indicate that the existence of for example graveyards in places where people frequently pass improves mental health. Often, the idea of dying has given me peace.

I despair when I consider that life may be eternal, that then suffering would be eternal. I guess this is a question of perspective; there are people who say that all is bliss, and others that say that all is suffering.

Akaboum wrote:
Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:27 pm
I'm not suicidal anymore but death will come on it's own sooner than i thought.Now my life consist of preparing myself Spiritually for it.
This is very wise, I think. You don't waste time because you understand that time is limited. Many people -dare I say, most people, waste time. I also waste time.

I believe that in those ten years that you have, you can make considerable process. I hope that you will find peace, bravery and the answers that help you onward. Feel free to continue your pondering here on our forums.
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Aquila
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Aquila » Thu Apr 18, 2019 2:15 pm

Cerastes wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 10:49 am
Akaboum wrote:
Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:27 pm
I wanted to end my life often in the past because i suffered from anxiety and i was thinking of suicide many time during a period of 6 years,i made many suicidal gestures.The reasons that kept me from doing it are the fear of making my family suffer and the fear of the unknown (death).I think i never been able to love my life because i knew somehow that i wasn't meant to live long,and last year i learned that i will get kidneys failures in the next 10 years because of a genetical disease.
I'm not suicidal anymore but death will come on it's own sooner than i thought.Now my life consist of preparing myself Spiritually for it.
Death is what gives life a value.
Like everything else, material life receives it’s intensity only because it is limited.
So I think I can understand what you developed because the step closer to this limitedness has the potential to erase the wish for death.
One force quite often finds its reason in the existence of a counter.

Therefore my honest answer, to what makes me live on is not love, it is death.
I don’t really like this answer because „love“ sounds much more optimistic but that doesn't make it less true.
I could continue here with some rambling thoughts about death and how "nothingness" can give life meaning if we explain it with theosophical terms. As we look at the end of life it appears to us as nothingness which still somehow gives life meaning. But it's only nothingness in the sense that what is beyond is that which is not born and is above the human principles of Manas, Buddhi and the limited lower triangle that are born in human life. So that which is beyond life is Àtma, the meaning itself, God, the Crown Chakra above the head etc. and our connection to it can be experienced in what we call the meaning of life.
It is also said that there is a connection between Àtma and the pure physical matter which could be illustrated as a circle around the human being and Manas-Buddhi forming a straight line through this circle. Maybe we could say that this is how birth to physical existence is the "death of spirit" that has to be born into human form just like birth to spiritual world is the death of our body (or actually it's only the point where our self-identification with body and mind ends). I'm not sure if this brings us to the conclusion that the spirit would also have no meaning without the physical life that is it's reflection and in which we find the god-goddess connection, the union of spirit and matter. Well, I know this could be written much more clearly but I just can't :D

And naturally above, below, lower etc. they are only relative directions to give things coherency. It's all just spirit from different points of view.

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