Traumatic Experiences

Putting together ones life with the modern world.
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Soror O
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Re: Traumatic Experiences

Post by Soror O »

Insanus wrote: Wed Feb 16, 2022 5:45 pm
Kavi wrote: Wed Feb 16, 2022 4:28 pm
Insanus wrote: Wed Feb 16, 2022 3:20 pm
Someone with a psychotic structure does not need to have symptoms of an illness. Such a person just does not have the prohibitive function, symbolic father (or the - name- of - the - father? To hell with this jargon ffs..) so instead of repressing (like the neurotic) or disavowing (the perverse), s/he forecloses. The point is these three psychological structures are ways of relating to the Other and not sets of symptoms as such. But hell if I know, the lacanian system is impossible to understand as a mere hobbyist like myself and everything has the reals symbolics and imaginaries (and so on and so ons) so I just cherrypick stuff that I can understand something about intuitively like a dirty cheater.
I once had a dream, relating exactly to this topic of the-name-of -the-father. In the dream, life was a playing board of such, with its structures, grids and boundaries. I was cast out from the playing board completely. I tried to cry out for the mother (for I was in primal terror) - but I couldn't get the words out of my system - for I was outside "the board", beyond all logos, meaning and reason.

Yes. I regard myself a lacanian psychotic person - for the-name-of-the-father is forever lost to me. But only what is truly lost - can truly be found.

Such nice topic we have here. I always dreamt of a healing community... healing is about giving in to the Sickness. And being productively and constructively sick is a delicate lesson.

Like folks already stated in this topic, traumatic experience in its essence is an experience which is regarded intolerable by the subject. So one must learn to tolerate what is intolerable. Traumatic experiences then give way to growth, evolution. First one survives like a timid hare, then one thrives like a humanoid god. But the timid hare is within the god and vice versa. I don't know where I stand, how could I...
If you want to reborn, let yourself die.
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Polyhymnia
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Re: Traumatic Experiences

Post by Polyhymnia »

Smaragd wrote: Wed Feb 16, 2022 7:14 pm But overtime these episodes fascinaded me and when "the feeling" started to creep in, I learned to overcome it, not to fall in to it. As for me personally, these things happened in such a small time frame, only an ~hour or half at worst, that I don't consider them as traumas that would still affect me in a negative way. I see them as trials well answered to.
This is really something. I, too, would have what my doctor at the time called psychotic episodes, to which he prescribed anti-psychotic medication. This lasted from the ages of 14 to about 19 and were heavily exacerbated by drug use from the mid to end of that five year term. I never learned to overcome them, and could describe that same black void feeling, but what came after that was complete dissociation and a blackout state. I seem to have grown out of these episodes, thankfully, but I still get bouts of that intense dark void. I suppose my resisting to fall into it is a sort of rising to the challenge and emerging victorious.
"Limited love asks for possession of the beloved, but the unlimited asks only for itself." -Kahlil Gibran
Seferoth
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Re: Traumatic Experiences

Post by Seferoth »

Alcoholic father, violent pedophile step-father, 10 years of bullying(i was even hospitalized once from severe beating), eventually had a total mindbreak during trade school and had something i call "EGO shatter/reconstruction" where everything in me changed...mostly for the worse. Developed unnatural urges towards...certain things, and have tried to keep myself sane and "whole" ever since it happened.
Kavi
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Re: Traumatic Experiences

Post by Kavi »

Seferoth wrote: Thu Mar 17, 2022 9:34 pm Alcoholic father, violent pedophile step-father, 10 years of bullying(i was even hospitalized once from severe beating), eventually had a total mindbreak during trade school and had something i call "EGO shatter/reconstruction" where everything in me changed...mostly for the worse. Developed unnatural urges towards...certain things, and have tried to keep myself sane and "whole" ever since it happened.
Have you been in contact with medical/mental health services?
Seferoth
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Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2021 12:18 am

Re: Traumatic Experiences

Post by Seferoth »

Kavi wrote: Sat Mar 19, 2022 12:31 pm
Seferoth wrote: Thu Mar 17, 2022 9:34 pm Alcoholic father, violent pedophile step-father, 10 years of bullying(i was even hospitalized once from severe beating), eventually had a total mindbreak during trade school and had something i call "EGO shatter/reconstruction" where everything in me changed...mostly for the worse. Developed unnatural urges towards...certain things, and have tried to keep myself sane and "whole" ever since it happened.
Have you been in contact with medical/mental health services?
I have, i am seeing a psychologist regularly...i have been seeing them for 18 years now. Not much help has come from them, but i do appreciate that i at least have someone or someones to talk to when things seems to go out of my control.
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Polyhymnia
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Re: Traumatic Experiences

Post by Polyhymnia »

Seferoth wrote: Thu Mar 17, 2022 9:34 pm Alcoholic father, violent pedophile step-father, 10 years of bullying(i was even hospitalized once from severe beating), eventually had a total mindbreak during trade school and had something i call "EGO shatter/reconstruction" where everything in me changed...mostly for the worse. Developed unnatural urges towards...certain things, and have tried to keep myself sane and "whole" ever since it happened.
I think it is crucial for someone to put ethics above all when they are faced with these terrible challenges. For you to have endured such awful acts and to keep working at keeping yourself sane and "whole" is really commendable. I am sorry to hear about how you have suffered.
"Limited love asks for possession of the beloved, but the unlimited asks only for itself." -Kahlil Gibran
Seferoth
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Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2021 12:18 am

Re: Traumatic Experiences

Post by Seferoth »

Polyhymnia wrote: Mon Mar 21, 2022 5:01 am
Seferoth wrote: Thu Mar 17, 2022 9:34 pm Alcoholic father, violent pedophile step-father, 10 years of bullying(i was even hospitalized once from severe beating), eventually had a total mindbreak during trade school and had something i call "EGO shatter/reconstruction" where everything in me changed...mostly for the worse. Developed unnatural urges towards...certain things, and have tried to keep myself sane and "whole" ever since it happened.
I think it is crucial for someone to put ethics above all when they are faced with these terrible challenges. For you to have endured such awful acts and to keep working at keeping yourself sane and "whole" is really commendable. I am sorry to hear about how you have suffered.
Thank you for the kind words. As long as i can keep my mind occupied and be at least somewhat positive i think i will stay "sane/whole". I have noticed that i tend to get worse if i don't keep my mind occupied and am left alone with my thoughts. It's not pleasant when your own mind feels like your enemy. I think the most annoying mental problem i have currently is "mental image corruption", i cannot seem to keep my mental "images/videos" normal, anything i try to think gets corrupted/twisted in my head. These days i only try to think sounds and letters alone, so far those does not get corrupted in my head. Perhaps its some form of schizophrenia or something, it started few years ago so it is a new symptom for me. I am not bitter however, i know there are many who are in a lot worse position than i am, i have also been blessed by a great mother and i have otherwise been a healthy person, i have a roof on my head and food on my table and enough money to buy interesting books etc now and then.
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