About the latest convent and the "The Air challenge"
Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2021 7:26 pm
I participated to the convent The Rainbow Bridge and the Smaragd of The Devil via Skype and I’d like to share my thoughts and feelings about the convent. Also, in order to reach out and practise openness - and if needed - this thread can also be used as peer support thread for new members facing the "air challenge".
I’m myself new to the brotherhood, standing on the threshold of the community like to two faced Janus: both an outsider looking in, and a-sort-of-an insider looking out. I have not experienced the SoA before the logde reform (where the lodges were declared independent from the central structures of the brotherhood) so I have no reference to the earlier SoA.
First, I found the presentations invigorating. The ascetic sincerety of fra Amantes’ poem was delighful. Sor Babd’s presentation brought warmth and praise to the presentatives’ collective. A warmly welcomed addition! All presentations highlighted the challenge that we all face: How the great work of uniting the opposites is brought to life – in one’s own life, in each logde, in the brotherhood as a whole. Fra Smaragd referred to a sacred gift which keeps on giving – but in order it to keep giving we must live up to it, we must face the infinite challenges it offers us and resolve them time after time. Also Fra Wyrmfang pointedly mentioned some of the challenges that the brotherhood faces, ie. stagnation and apathy. His straightforward manner of naming and addressing these challenges really deepened my trust in the brotherhood. But what is hard to us humans, is the fact that growing is painful. We cannot really reach the stars holding on to our petty temperaments and their limitations, a fact that fra Nefastos also pointed out in his presentation. I struggle with this myself all the time.
What was also addressed was the “air challenge”, ie. the phase where new members are forced to seek their place withing the brotherhood – without any fixed guidelines, except the brotherhood’s philosophy (and the brotherhoods egregore calling them, of course). Before I became a member, I thought that this “air challenge” was wholly a good thing, for it forces the new member to guide himself to find his place. I solely love the idea that there is no given structure, but it really asks much from the neophyte. In most cases there may not be a ready place to inhabit within the brotherhood, but the place has to be built. And in order to something to be build, something existing has be challenged and (partly) reformed. To build something requires courage (hearts strength) and clear vision – virtues that are not easily mastered (in the subtle realms).
Air is also an element of masculine intelligence and it seems to reign the outward sphere of SoA. For myself, it is a challenge to pass trough this outward sphere into the realms in which more holistic practise would take place. I realize this would require my own initiative and action. It is not the outside obstacles or structures that hinder my motion – rather the obstacles are inside my being. Stagnated beliefs, scemas and temperamental shortcomings. It has somewhat surprised me how much self reflection my membership has initiated. It's like a being in psychoanalysis and one (I mean I ":D") can get quite paralyzed by my own neurotic ego, such as follows:
1. Me: "I should take initiative to do thing x."
2. Inner voice: "Well nobody would be interested/ the people interested would be annoying and the whole thing would contribute to you being even more misantrophic/ you wouldn't have the time/effort/character to follow it through/ You don't even want the thing x, except because of lesser motives such as attention, ego-boosting etc."
3. Me: "Thank you inner voice for your deep wisdom."
*Repeat
So in this case, I would be deligted if someone would tell me to scrub the temple floors or something in order for me to pass this "air challenge".
But I must remember that this kind of inner dialoque is not something "excess" to the work. It is the work. And this is the spirit that I'd like to inhabit withing the brotherhood: becoming spirit, is becoming truly human. I believe that intimacy of brokeness is the way that God is revealed in us. Jesus himself died, not dignified, but as a broken man - and there a Whole being.
I’m myself new to the brotherhood, standing on the threshold of the community like to two faced Janus: both an outsider looking in, and a-sort-of-an insider looking out. I have not experienced the SoA before the logde reform (where the lodges were declared independent from the central structures of the brotherhood) so I have no reference to the earlier SoA.
First, I found the presentations invigorating. The ascetic sincerety of fra Amantes’ poem was delighful. Sor Babd’s presentation brought warmth and praise to the presentatives’ collective. A warmly welcomed addition! All presentations highlighted the challenge that we all face: How the great work of uniting the opposites is brought to life – in one’s own life, in each logde, in the brotherhood as a whole. Fra Smaragd referred to a sacred gift which keeps on giving – but in order it to keep giving we must live up to it, we must face the infinite challenges it offers us and resolve them time after time. Also Fra Wyrmfang pointedly mentioned some of the challenges that the brotherhood faces, ie. stagnation and apathy. His straightforward manner of naming and addressing these challenges really deepened my trust in the brotherhood. But what is hard to us humans, is the fact that growing is painful. We cannot really reach the stars holding on to our petty temperaments and their limitations, a fact that fra Nefastos also pointed out in his presentation. I struggle with this myself all the time.
What was also addressed was the “air challenge”, ie. the phase where new members are forced to seek their place withing the brotherhood – without any fixed guidelines, except the brotherhood’s philosophy (and the brotherhoods egregore calling them, of course). Before I became a member, I thought that this “air challenge” was wholly a good thing, for it forces the new member to guide himself to find his place. I solely love the idea that there is no given structure, but it really asks much from the neophyte. In most cases there may not be a ready place to inhabit within the brotherhood, but the place has to be built. And in order to something to be build, something existing has be challenged and (partly) reformed. To build something requires courage (hearts strength) and clear vision – virtues that are not easily mastered (in the subtle realms).
Air is also an element of masculine intelligence and it seems to reign the outward sphere of SoA. For myself, it is a challenge to pass trough this outward sphere into the realms in which more holistic practise would take place. I realize this would require my own initiative and action. It is not the outside obstacles or structures that hinder my motion – rather the obstacles are inside my being. Stagnated beliefs, scemas and temperamental shortcomings. It has somewhat surprised me how much self reflection my membership has initiated. It's like a being in psychoanalysis and one (I mean I ":D") can get quite paralyzed by my own neurotic ego, such as follows:
1. Me: "I should take initiative to do thing x."
2. Inner voice: "Well nobody would be interested/ the people interested would be annoying and the whole thing would contribute to you being even more misantrophic/ you wouldn't have the time/effort/character to follow it through/ You don't even want the thing x, except because of lesser motives such as attention, ego-boosting etc."
3. Me: "Thank you inner voice for your deep wisdom."
*Repeat
So in this case, I would be deligted if someone would tell me to scrub the temple floors or something in order for me to pass this "air challenge".
But I must remember that this kind of inner dialoque is not something "excess" to the work. It is the work. And this is the spirit that I'd like to inhabit withing the brotherhood: becoming spirit, is becoming truly human. I believe that intimacy of brokeness is the way that God is revealed in us. Jesus himself died, not dignified, but as a broken man - and there a Whole being.