Death Meditation / Worship

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Mars
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Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Mars »

I have never been able to direct my devotional impulses to Satan, but death on the other hand is something I've always felt natural affinity with and strong adoration for. I've practices forms of death meditation, where I focus on the fact that my body is temporary and some day I will be free from it. I envision myself getting old, falling apart, or dying from various causes, often violent. Also every moment is a moment of transformation, of little death of mind and body. In other times I simply lie down like a corpse and pretend that I'm dead. Deep breathing while lying down is helpful for anxiety but it can also help in the feeling of or imitation of death, as the breath slows down to almost nonexistent. Even the simple thought of "someday I will die" or "every moment could be my last" can bring huge relief and act as a mantra in trying times. Of course it goes without saying that violence towards others has nothing to do with this type of practice, or violence towards myself (although the latter has happened in the past, not anymore).

What do you feel about death meditation or worship? Do you practice something similar?
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Kenazis »

Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pm I have never been able to direct my devotional impulses to Satan, but death on the other hand is something I've always felt natural affinity with and strong adoration for.
I could say that I have naturally opposite affinity. I think this comes from 1) natural fear of death and 2) I have always seen the mainstream Christian view of Satan wrong.
Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pmWhat do you feel about death meditation or worship? Do you practice something similar?
There have been many times I have thought or read about different death meditations, but I have never really feel they are for me. Contemplating/thinking death is however different case and that I have done a lot. Also different emptiness meditations and meditations of non-permanence are familiar. These are very close to death meditation and even often can be seen as same. At least for now, my meditations and contemplations are about human consciousness/awareness, energy, ethics and Satan. Writing my first book I contemplated and did different practices about the themes (months and months) and the place ("in my head") where I lived wasn't the nicest one. That was one valuable lesson learned. Just dive deep into these "negative" topics and you will find yourself in a dark place.
"We live for the woods and the moon and the night"
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Nefastos »

A good topic & good ideas, even though my personal thoughts on the subject are kind of gloomy.
Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pmWhat do you feel about death meditation or worship? Do you practice something similar?
Kenazis wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 7:16 pmThat was one valuable lesson learned. Just dive deep into these "negative" topics and you will find yourself in a dark place.

This is a topic I have had to think about daily in my own life. Since my own nerves give me almost constant anguish, the mind tries to cope with the omnipresent stress & mental pain by evoking images of being killed, in order to create a cathartic effect of sorts. (When one's surroundings – even a mental landscape – correspond to the feelings one has, it results as a cathartic effect.) But since I am a firm believer of the magic of the mind, I try to be very careful with these images, and not let them run freely.

Earlier, I held death in such a fascinated adoration – because of the same problem of constantly "feeling the pain of the world" – that, one could say, I breathed this adoration with every breath. But as opposed to what I would have wished to accomplish, the purity of death in abstraction & void, that death started to gnaw me more like a rot. Since a human being is made of little lives which have an independent will to live of their own, so to say, one's love of death creates a dissonance between these two: the indwelling soul & the parts of the vital body. Since noticing that I have felt like I was living in a mansion which has a multitude of plants & pets in it, and I am the only one who can take care of those living things inside of me; adoring death even in astral breathing is to make those vital spirits suffer.

And there is even a third problem for my personal death meditation. Since I no longer believe that the death itself would be the release I seek, for the wheel of reincarnation seems to be completely made out of hooks & fetters, even death that earlier seemed so calm & beautiful an idea, now seems dulled & grey. There is so much horror in me that should I make out of here, I would most likely have to return once again, make through that distasteful childhood before even starting the game of disappointments again, that even death seems not so pure & pristine as it used to.

I understand that a careful death meditation might be an answer to these problems, but as of yet, I have not found such that would feel right. Nowadays I consider of my own White aspect practice going along different rails, & instead of meditating death, I try to find a way of bringing the mansion's pets the sustenance & happiness they seek. If that could be accomplished, I think the new Black phase might bring a very beautiful possibilities of experiencing death.
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
Mars
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Mars »

Nefastos wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 9:53 am A good topic & good ideas, even though my personal thoughts on the subject are kind of gloomy.
Gloomy thoughts in a death meditation topic? How dare you!
Nefastos wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 9:53 am
Kenazis wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 7:16 pmThat was one valuable lesson learned. Just dive deep into these "negative" topics and you will find yourself in a dark place.

This is a topic I have had to think about daily in my own life. Since my own nerves give me almost constant anguish, the mind tries to cope with the omnipresent stress & mental pain by evoking images of being killed, in order to create a cathartic effect of sorts. (When one's surroundings – even a mental landscape – correspond to the feelings one has, it results as a cathartic effect.) But since I am a firm believer of the magic of the mind, I try to be very careful with these images, and not let them run freely.
I agree, but giving room to images is not the same as letting them run freely. In my twenties I had a period when I became a tragic Hagakure-esque being, practicing martial arts and lamenting that it's no longer possible to live a warrior's life and to die in battle with honour, the sooner the better. So the practice of dying in battle became internalised. It was/is the only way to handle that sort of potentially destructive energy, since suppressing it was/is not an option.
I think it's necessary to dive deep into negative topics. How else would you deal with them? Just don't forget the lifeline.
Nefastos wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 9:53 am A good topic & good ideas, even though my personal thoughts on the subject are kind of gloomy.Earlier, I held death in such a fascinated adoration – because of the same problem of constantly "feeling the pain of the world" – that, one could say, I breathed this adoration with every breath. But as opposed to what I would have wished to accomplish, the purity of death in abstraction & void, that death started to gnaw me more like a rot. Since a human being is made of little lives which have an independent will to live of their own, so to say, one's love of death creates a dissonance between these two: the indwelling soul & the parts of the vital body. Since noticing that I have felt like I was living in a mansion which has a multitude of plants & pets in it, and I am the only one who can take care of those living things inside of me; adoring death even in astral breathing is to make those vital spirits suffer.
Maybe this is somewhat similar to the topic I asked you about in the Finnish forums about hating god leading to pessimism? To me the Azazelian god-hate sounds terribly unconstructive, and would gnaw me like a rot. But death is a part of life and necessary when undergoing any form of transition. To be mindful of death and destruction is to honour their place in the process, in my opinion. There's a difference in this and an unhealthy obsession with death. I believe, or hope, that I know where the line is drawn.
Nefastos wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 9:53 am And there is even a third problem for my personal death meditation. Since I no longer believe that the death itself would be the release I seek, for the wheel of reincarnation seems to be completely made out of hooks & fetters, even death that earlier seemed so calm & beautiful an idea, now seems dulled & grey. There is so much horror in me that should I make out of here, I would most likely have to return once again, make through that distasteful childhood before even starting the game of disappointments again, that even death seems not so pure & pristine as it used to.

I understand that a careful death meditation might be an answer to these problems, but as of yet, I have not found such that would feel right. Nowadays I consider of my own White aspect practice going along different rails, & instead of meditating death, I try to find a way of bringing the mansion's pets the sustenance & happiness they seek.
But is there necessarily conflict? Do you think that it's better or more natural to focus on one aspect at one time? In my life I've had clear black, red and white periods, but in other times I feel that the aspects are all active at the same time. Granted, I don't know if I understand your take on the aspects fully, but I've felt that focusing too much on one aspect makes me easily unbalanced.
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Soror O
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Soror O »

(As I've surely remembered to state in different various situations) I've contemplated and experienced death and dying from an early age on. I remember for example being about five years old and taking regural walks in my minds cemetery, where I'd find my own grave and the graves of my family members.
Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pm I envision myself getting old, falling apart, or dying from various causes, often violent. Also every moment is a moment of transformation, of little death of mind and body.
I do this also, minus the violent part. I used to have plenty of fantasies of myself dying violently, but nowadays the violence has dissolved. But I want to remember death every day, for it is the shortcut to remembering what this is all about.
Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pm In other times I simply lie down like a corpse and pretend that I'm dead. Deep breathing while lying down is helpful for anxiety but it can also help in the feeling of or imitation of death, as the breath slows down to almost nonexistent.
Your description reminded me of yoga practices' corpse pose. The deep, slow breath reminds me of the fact that the line between life and actual death is quite vague. That type of breath is associated with different trance states where certain parts of the soul leave the body. The body can seem quite dead already. But I see some death also in sleeping beings. They just look different. Contemplating death bodies is a useful way to examine death and different layers of life. What decay really is, what decays?
Nefastos wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 9:53 am I try to be very careful with these images, and not let them run freely.

Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pm it's no longer possible to live a warrior's life and to die in battle with honour, the sooner the better. So the practice of dying in battle became internalised. It was/is the only way to handle that sort of potentially destructive energy, since suppressing it was/is not an option.
My four yeard old son stated to me a couple of days ago: "I don't want to live long, because there is a war coming." He also stated that he wanted the whole family to die, because he doesn't want us to live during the war and getting separated. As his mother, I naturally did some soul searching where this whole thing would have popped into his consciousness. I asked him, why he'd think that there would be a war. "Because in the old times there was a war", he replied. (He has been very interested in the "old times" and guns and war lately.) I said that wars aren't that common anymore and that people are learning to live peacefully together. Then he leaved the room just stating quietly "I will reborn..."

I told this story to underline how powerful images and entities of the subconsiousness can be - individually and collectively. I also felt guilty, for I've been sensing this "great war" approaching. I don't even know what it really is but I'm afraid that my son has sort of picked it up from my consciousness or something. I don't want to feed that image of war in my being, nor I want suppress it into the unconscious. I feel also that there is this huge load of (past) violence and war hounding humankind. It somehow needs to be relieved, I don't know. I'd say the way of the warrior still exists, the battles are different. But I'd rather let go of the battles once and for all.
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Polyhymnia »

My death worship started young, but up until recently was more of a highly self-destructive coping mechanism. Even now I feel the seeds planted of suicidal ideation from so long ago, and I often have to be hyper-vigilant to be aware of the pattern it takes once it is triggered. I think in my younger years, I found so much comfort in the idea of being dead because it would be the only true way to stop the pain and the loudness in my head, but I don't necessarily believe that anymore. Right now I feel it more beneficial to bring the energy of vitality to my practice, and most of my meditations revolve around the building of inner fire and the balancing of my energy points. The closest I come to death meditation as of right now is an emptiness meditation written by fra Kenazis which will be published in UFIII. I just had the good fortune of editing it, and was blessed in the process with a meditation I find so helpful to my personal practice.
I used to spend hours in the dark envisioning all the ways I'd be okay with dying, and though it provided the catharsis I needed at the time, something like that would start that cycle for me and would result in either tragedy or never-ending agony.
Ave wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 2:41 pm My four yeard old son stated to me a couple of days ago: "I don't want to live long, because there is a war coming." He also stated that he wanted the whole family to die, because he doesn't want us to live during the war and getting separated. As his mother, I naturally did some soul searching where this whole thing would have popped into his consciousness. I asked him, why he'd think that there would be a war. "Because in the old times there was a war", he replied. (He has been very interested in the "old times" and guns and war lately.) I said that wars aren't that common anymore and that people are learning to live peacefully together. Then he leaved the room just stating quietly "I will reborn..."
The mouth of babes. It never ceases to amaze me the depth of words that can come pouring out of little humans.
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Angolmois »

Ave wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 2:41 pmI remember for example being about five years old and taking regural walks in my minds cemetery, where I'd find my own grave and the graves of my family members.
I remember being 3 or 4 years old and sitting in the backseat of my parents car and thinking all the possible ways that we'd crash and die. I thought that if I go through all the possible ways that death can happen while in the car that then they wouldn't happen.
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Nefastos »

Mars wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:37 pmI agree, but giving room to images is not the same as letting them run freely. [...] I think it's necessary to dive deep into negative topics. How else would you deal with them? Just don't forget the lifeline.

You are completely right.

Mars wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:37 pmMaybe this is somewhat similar to the topic I asked you about in the Finnish forums about hating god leading to pessimism? To me the Azazelian god-hate sounds terribly unconstructive, and would gnaw me like a rot. But death is a part of life and necessary when undergoing any form of transition. To be mindful of death and destruction is to honour their place in the process, in my opinion. There's a difference in this and an unhealthy obsession with death. I believe, or hope, that I know where the line is drawn.

Very interesting & important comparison! Might it be that we have the aspects of bodily and astral challenges presented here? For one temperament, the balancing act is more natural along the lines of physical (death), while with another, it feels more natural with astral (Satan).

What feels natural and more possible for each temperament has to do where one's point of inner certainty lies. For me it definitely does not lie in the physical, since I have always felt the physical life like a weird dream I cannot trust, and which is not actually "mine" to participate fully. The astral realm of subjective pondering, on the other hand, is something I can depend, and whose laws I can – to a certain point – understand and feel as my actual place of being.

Mars wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:37 pmBut is there necessarily conflict?

No, there is not. This is a personal emphasis. Also in the brotherhood there are aspects (Grey and Chalice) that act on balance of all the aspects.

Mars wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:37 pmDo you think that it's better or more natural to focus on one aspect at one time? In my life I've had clear black, red and white periods, but in other times I feel that the aspects are all active at the same time. Granted, I don't know if I understand your take on the aspects fully, but I've felt that focusing too much on one aspect makes me easily unbalanced.

It has surprised me along the years since the aspectual structure was made (2010) how much these aspects have affected my own process. I would have thought the changes being more more fluid, but instead the aspect really seems to give the constant key note to the whole life of its sincere aspirant. But like said, it is good that there are so many different possibilities for choosing that aspect, including the esoteric/exoteric versions of the colours (White/Stone, Red/Serpent, Black/Eye, and in the middle the reversed Chalice/Grey). It might be interesting to discuss how the people in the different systems have felt the same, but so far this has not come up with my occultist friends outside the brotherhood. And I am not sure whether they are well enough accustomed with our system – or I with theirs – to really make the comparison.
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Insanus »

My relationship with death has evolved or at least gone through the phases of
1) a fantasy of blissful void as a poetic ideal
2) erotic-aggressive suicidality, some sort of grandiose narcissism
3) mystical resignation, giving up (at least some, hopefully) psychological attachments "dying to the world", the Black phase
4) some sense of being-towards-death where everything is essentially dying and the question is more of modes of dying than death drive vs preservative instinct

Lacan's idea I recently read about that every drive is essentially death drive because all drives pursue their extinction and attempt to go beyond the pleasure principle is fascinating too.
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Re: Death Meditation / Worship

Post by Mars »

Ave wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 2:41 pm
Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pm I envision myself getting old, falling apart, or dying from various causes, often violent. Also every moment is a moment of transformation, of little death of mind and body.
I do this also, minus the violent part. I used to have plenty of fantasies of myself dying violently, but nowadays the violence has dissolved.
I should add that this is something I do in very selective situations, when the urge to actually die violently is great.
Ave wrote: Sat Dec 26, 2020 2:41 pm
Mars wrote: Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:20 pm In other times I simply lie down like a corpse and pretend that I'm dead. Deep breathing while lying down is helpful for anxiety but it can also help in the feeling of or imitation of death, as the breath slows down to almost nonexistent.
Your description reminded me of yoga practices' corpse pose.
When I was doing yoga years ago, my favourite poses were the warrior pose and the corpse pose. Not surprising, perhaps.
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