Incel - personal perspectives
Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2020 2:55 pm
(Disclaimer: vent-alert, foul language, some mild crazyness)
Incel (invonluntary selibacy) is a new-found part of my life experience. I'm a 35 yo. woman who is used to having sex on regular basis, now it has stopped completely. I'm curious to hear how you have coped with this phenomena. At the moment I find it hard to get along with this lack that I'm experiencing. And I'd like to examine it further.
Here are some symptoms that I've linked with incel:
1. Emotional symptoms - such as irritability, increased negativity, sorrow, self-esteem challenges
2. Physiological symptoms - menopause type of symptoms (mood swings on atypical times, night sweats, sleep deprivation).
3. Spiritual symptoms - lack of meaning, certain flattness - lack of dynamic movement, feeling 500 years old and being ready to die off.
Regarding my own incel, I've pondered different solutions, such as:
1. Establishing a sex affair: the problem here is that it feels highly counter intuitive to have sex with just some random profane guy. The sexual ache that I feel wouldn't be cured - quite vice versa.
2. Igniting some old flame: the problem here is that these old flames are old and burried for a good reason - and having sex with them would result in energetic tanglement, heartbreak and insanity.
3. Turning a friendship into FWB relationship: Atm I don't have friends with mutual sexual attraction (that I know of)
4. Finding a new relationship: I don't control all of the variables here. As we all know, these things just happen - or then not.
5. Adjusting my mindset: if i could just transform the "involuntary" to be experienced as "voluntary", as if I'm choosing this. But it just doesn't feel truthful.
It feels quite ridiculous how much sex really means to me. Without it, it almost seems as there's no point to exist anymore (as if there was before). It feels as if I'm not really myself anymore (what ever that meant anyway). Spiritually I know that I could transform this lack to be fulfilled, but in a way it feels that I don't want to do it. I have had autoerotic experiences which have been very fulfilling. I guess that my sexual desire is desire that I feel towards lively otherness. And yet the otherness is the thing that I also dread the most. I guess the easiest way would be surrendering to this experience, amor fati style. But I don't want to surrender to this kind of shitness! I can surrender to insanity, all types of other suffering, but Satan, Lord, don't take away my holy candy! (Maybe this lament of a pray will result my kid having a leukemia, but me finding a hot lover. Oh, fuck this, fuck all, well yes: I surrender to this, fuck you God, I'd fuck you if I could. Maybe I can...)
Incel (invonluntary selibacy) is a new-found part of my life experience. I'm a 35 yo. woman who is used to having sex on regular basis, now it has stopped completely. I'm curious to hear how you have coped with this phenomena. At the moment I find it hard to get along with this lack that I'm experiencing. And I'd like to examine it further.
Here are some symptoms that I've linked with incel:
1. Emotional symptoms - such as irritability, increased negativity, sorrow, self-esteem challenges
2. Physiological symptoms - menopause type of symptoms (mood swings on atypical times, night sweats, sleep deprivation).
3. Spiritual symptoms - lack of meaning, certain flattness - lack of dynamic movement, feeling 500 years old and being ready to die off.
Regarding my own incel, I've pondered different solutions, such as:
1. Establishing a sex affair: the problem here is that it feels highly counter intuitive to have sex with just some random profane guy. The sexual ache that I feel wouldn't be cured - quite vice versa.
2. Igniting some old flame: the problem here is that these old flames are old and burried for a good reason - and having sex with them would result in energetic tanglement, heartbreak and insanity.
3. Turning a friendship into FWB relationship: Atm I don't have friends with mutual sexual attraction (that I know of)
4. Finding a new relationship: I don't control all of the variables here. As we all know, these things just happen - or then not.
5. Adjusting my mindset: if i could just transform the "involuntary" to be experienced as "voluntary", as if I'm choosing this. But it just doesn't feel truthful.
It feels quite ridiculous how much sex really means to me. Without it, it almost seems as there's no point to exist anymore (as if there was before). It feels as if I'm not really myself anymore (what ever that meant anyway). Spiritually I know that I could transform this lack to be fulfilled, but in a way it feels that I don't want to do it. I have had autoerotic experiences which have been very fulfilling. I guess that my sexual desire is desire that I feel towards lively otherness. And yet the otherness is the thing that I also dread the most. I guess the easiest way would be surrendering to this experience, amor fati style. But I don't want to surrender to this kind of shitness! I can surrender to insanity, all types of other suffering, but Satan, Lord, don't take away my holy candy! (Maybe this lament of a pray will result my kid having a leukemia, but me finding a hot lover. Oh, fuck this, fuck all, well yes: I surrender to this, fuck you God, I'd fuck you if I could. Maybe I can...)