Astral Tests We've Failed
Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 2:51 pm
I think it is not often wise to speak publicly in attainments – seeming or real – we've made in the astral worlds. The experiences we get in dreams and other psychic states work not similarly with physical or intellectual experiences, and easily lure away from true advancement. Like The Voice of Silence says: "This Hall is dangerous in its perfidious beauty, is needed but for thy probation."
But this "probation" is important part of many an occultist's training. Thus I thought that it might be helpful to share the experiences in which challenges we've failed at, to help the others avoid some pitfalls. I consider actual attainments usually being possible only because we have stepped amiss so many times that the true way has been found because of all the errings... like the passage through Ian Livingstone's books. Also, what that "fail" actually means, might not be easy to see at first, which I will hopefully demonstrate with the first anecdote.
* * *
This one happened about twenty two years ago. I had been trying the theosophical training intensely, which in my case means that the psychical atmosphere was often quite disturbed because of the forceful blocking out of sexual energy. It was also a time when I was not yet a Satanist, so I wrestled a lot with the projected image of "the black magician", who was very pleased when I I tried to kill him in the astral state. For, as we know of magicians, "striking one down only makes him stronger".
In such an atmosphere I started to get more vivid lucid dreams. In one such situation, I was in a chamber with many doors. This was clearly a test, or felt like one. But since I was awake in the astral state, I knew very well that anything could came out from those doors if I opened them, and that was a horror I could not endure: I simply escaped by forcing myself awake. Never again did I receive a similar test (that I can recall).
* * *
Now there's a moral in this story of failure, but where one puts it, might differ regarding of the interpreter's own school of thought. A Right Hand Path follower most likely says that my failing was in giving in to fear & thus escaping the inner fight that was demanded. Personally, after so long a time, I think I can safely say that the lesson for me was in a completely different direction: that the fighting & blocking out energy was the failing, creating a seriously mistaken dualism, which in turn was the foundation of a very real fear. When the aspirant is split in half, fear & anger have been created, and a lot of fighting against ghosts & figments will follow. In such a fight against oneself, both success and failure are ways to psychosis.
But this "probation" is important part of many an occultist's training. Thus I thought that it might be helpful to share the experiences in which challenges we've failed at, to help the others avoid some pitfalls. I consider actual attainments usually being possible only because we have stepped amiss so many times that the true way has been found because of all the errings... like the passage through Ian Livingstone's books. Also, what that "fail" actually means, might not be easy to see at first, which I will hopefully demonstrate with the first anecdote.
* * *
This one happened about twenty two years ago. I had been trying the theosophical training intensely, which in my case means that the psychical atmosphere was often quite disturbed because of the forceful blocking out of sexual energy. It was also a time when I was not yet a Satanist, so I wrestled a lot with the projected image of "the black magician", who was very pleased when I I tried to kill him in the astral state. For, as we know of magicians, "striking one down only makes him stronger".
In such an atmosphere I started to get more vivid lucid dreams. In one such situation, I was in a chamber with many doors. This was clearly a test, or felt like one. But since I was awake in the astral state, I knew very well that anything could came out from those doors if I opened them, and that was a horror I could not endure: I simply escaped by forcing myself awake. Never again did I receive a similar test (that I can recall).
* * *
Now there's a moral in this story of failure, but where one puts it, might differ regarding of the interpreter's own school of thought. A Right Hand Path follower most likely says that my failing was in giving in to fear & thus escaping the inner fight that was demanded. Personally, after so long a time, I think I can safely say that the lesson for me was in a completely different direction: that the fighting & blocking out energy was the failing, creating a seriously mistaken dualism, which in turn was the foundation of a very real fear. When the aspirant is split in half, fear & anger have been created, and a lot of fighting against ghosts & figments will follow. In such a fight against oneself, both success and failure are ways to psychosis.