The Star of Azazel - Azazelin Tähti

Many years ago my girlfriend sent me an email about a lynching and driven by curiosity and trust in my girlfriend's sanity I decided to watch it. It wasn't a good idea, for what I witnessed was the public lapidation of a teenage girl brought to me by the ground breaking technology of cellphone cameras.

Surprise gave way to repulsion. Repulsion gave way to horror, and horror gave way to self-righteous rage. I remember thinking to myself: "Well damn! If I had a sniper rifle I would shoot them from the top of a nearby building and put 'em to sleep like rabid dogs"

When the video ended I couldn't single out which part of it distressed me the most. Was it the fact that the murderers were mostly teenagers? Maybe it was the fact that they were smiling and joking without showing remorse. Or was it the bastard who hurriedly cleaned a drop of blood off his brand new shoes? I couldn't stop asking myself: Why did they do that? Am I capable of doing the same thing and if I'm not, what is the source of those murderous feelings I felt? Self-righteousness had blinded me to believe that I had never been part of something like that… but I had been; it was just a matter of scale. The mindlessness of the mass, the feeling of Unity, the pride of being part of something "bigger", the hate and scorn for those who rebel, I knew those feelings all too well. Conformity begets hate for those who don't conform.

According to Carl Jung a psychotic breakdown, or metanoia, is a spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself of unbearable conflict by melting down and then being reborn in a more adaptive form. These breakdowns are potentially productive as after the dust settles our worldview is transformed, for better or worse. True Rebirth can only be accomplished when death takes place, and Horror is one of the most powerful catalysts of destruction. Horror is Innocence wailing in pain.

For me horror is the feeling we get when we are threatened by something that isn't part of our worldview. Child molesters may cause repugnance and fear to a grown man, but they cause horror to the kid that finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Horror is a gateway for things that threaten our spirit and mind, but it is also an emmisary of the unknown, and a carrier of knowledge. Horror is destructive by nature, but when we use it to peer into ourselves it may serve an important role in the shaping of our soul. Its lessons may be bitter, but Understanding may lead to Wisdom and a greater capacity for loving.

I would like to know what is your definition of horror. Do you think it has a place in the practices of the Left Handed Path? Have you ever had an experience where you experimented its destructive power? Do you owe it a breakthrough or insight? Do you think it is something to be avoided or to be searched actively?

If we have faced too much or our vision have been too narrow at the moment of terror, we can become like men possessed, driven by "holy" hatred towards that alienated otherness that comes to present all possible wrongness in the world. In that case, it is the spirit of horror that rides us, and we are just slaves of the lower reactions, just like that mob you described.

I think this part is the most important. Additionally I was instantly reminded of John 8:7 “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. There is often a degree of hypocrisy during instances of public punishments such as the one referred to. By this I mean that the executioners have either committed the same punishable action (but perhaps haven't been apprehended) or have had fantasies of doing so. The physical execution of the woman corresponds to a mental execution of the action the woman represents within the mind of the executioner. Ultimately the execution of the woman bolsters the protective barriers of the ego within the executioner.

My conception of horror often relates to paralysis (mental and physical) or disease rather than death. When I was a child I saw a documentary about Encephalitis Lethargica on TV which terrified me. The randomness of disease – infecting someone regardless of whether they were good or evil – was completely incomprehensible to me. Stoning a woman for adultery made sense to me even though I didn't (and don't) agree with it. A contributory factor was that Encephalitis Lethargica was unexplained with isolated cases continuing to occur. As a child I was convinced I would fall prey to this unexplained and often untreatable disease. Perhaps because of this (or maybe due to the ironies of life) sitting as still as possible and meditating is, as I've mentioned in another thread, my favourite and most frequent practise.

Oddly, about a year before this I had witnessed a crash between a car and a biker; the biker's head was caved in and blood was everywhere. This didn't really have much of an impression on me other than how normal it felt. Somehow, probably due to TV and films, I expected more ceremony.

I do think that horror is important for the left hand path spirituality. In the work of unification the otherness is bound to take horrible appearances. For me personally, I find it both energizing and peacful to do simple devotional practice with iconic representations of the divine that include horrible features. Of course there can also be iconoclastic ways to expperience the horrible in devotional way, but i prefer the iconic.

In my work (healthcare) i sometimes see very severe traumas, but somhow these don't bother me much. On the other hand, i have become almost completely unable to watch violent programs on television. They make me recoil.

I do not believe that left hand path must be intentionally traumatic, and i very much doubt if such psychic shock tactics are productive. What doesn't kill us, often tends to make as weaker. And it is a dubious and ungrateful practice to beg God to show us his wrathful front. But as left hand path usually is somewhat traumatic, we should rather be alert for devotion when the wrathful divinity choses to show us his face. In such circumstances wo could be reminded that when we are ready, the teacher will appear. This must be even more so when we have to face the wrathful teacher.