HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII xDDD (actually, I greatly apologise for disrupting your atmosphere with such cheerful tones, but I'm here to do it and share as much jolly and happiness as I can)
I haven't been here for quite a while. We're having war rn, as far as you may know from the news lmao. (and in fact it is horrible. But!)
But must i say... I have never felt that many emotions before as i do now (both good and honourable, and dark, 'beasty', but still just) , and haven't been as 'one' with myself as now.
But let me write it all in an orderly manner.
1 - the perception of the world definitely differs depending on HOW you look at it.
2 - the 'you' differs depending on HOW you live with it.
When I first came here with nothing but ashes, I sought dark knowledge, power over the elements, all gibberish stuff one may call it, but it all circulated around my ego.
Then I realised, finally, that I was not happy. With any of these wishes. They were giving suffering to me and daydreams and even more isolation - and nothing more. I finally saw that I had to do small, but realistic, materialistic, steps to make myself happy and stronk :3
I was still very sensitive to the outer world, to any sort of 'injury' I'd get when contacting reality - disappointments, misunderstandings, non-mutual love. And in this bitter state I wrote myself 12 rules, which I reminded myself of by reading through them from time to time. The aim of those rules was to separate oneself from longing for others all the time, from effect of all disappointments and failures. one of them basically stated "be ready for disappointment, consider this to be a gist of this game. you are BOUND to fail and be disappointed. But there is one thing you can do - just get up every time you fall, and stop being surprised like a fool every time something goes against your expectations".
I also stopped listening to the music I wanted to listen to. You know, when you are sad you want to listen to the music that reflects this sadness. But no! Listen to something else instead, or just go, breathe deeply, enjoy osmething visually instead if you want. But don't succumb to music that has sad tones when you are sad. It is pleasing, yes, but it only harms.
Eventually I learnt to be apart from these affects - I can enjoy music, but I don't see it affecting my mood anymore. Because one can remind oneself that their mind is their own forstress, and they choose themselves what they want to let in or out, and what they don't. Including both - outer world guests and the inner world guests, like thoughts. A blissfull indifference might have a rotten tone to it. And it might startle you to feel that when you are alone in the forest - it breathes with the same indifferent infinite emptiness that is also timeless, unlike your own brisk human existence.
In this case - try whistling xD and you might summon a flock of birds who will whistle along. And all of you have a grain of that emptiness which might startle weak human nature and bend it to apathy and melancholy. but there is also the whistling, the thin ray of light. there are Values, even though some of us might've lost any hope for a human to regain them by now.
But there are! As bright and tender as always, among the indifferent emptiness of peaceful God and the cynicism, the devilworshipping deeds that are darkness, there it flows - the strength, the happiness, the light! >:3
I wish you all a happy time!) live your lives and enjoy them, learn to enjoy them and to make it better with your own hands, and you will find 'em wings afterwards x3