Despair - A Blessing of Satan

Rational discussions on metaphysical and abstract topics.
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Polyhymnia
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Re: Despair - A Blessing of Satan

Post by Polyhymnia »

Seferoth wrote: Tue Jun 29, 2021 3:17 pm You see i used to be a Fundementalist Christian and that just kept my depression going as i always felt unworthy or deserving the flames of hell, i never quite felt right. I am now starting to realize that this among other things fed by depression and was one of the reasons why i have felt so miserable for so long. Ever since i found The Star of Azazel, Luciferianism and the writings of Nefastos i have actually started to feel better. I feel that i am finally following the path i have wanted to follow, but has never able to because of fear in damnation/hellfire.
It is often very difficult to loose those bounds of Christianity. I joined the SoA about two and a half years ago now, and I struggled in the back of my mind with identifying as a Satanist for a very similar reason. Though I was atheist for some years, agnostic for others, I still had this secret fear in my heart of eternal damnation. I don't fear that anymore. I hope you continue to feel better as you progress on your Path.
"Limited love asks for possession of the beloved, but the unlimited asks only for itself." -Kahlil Gibran
Seferoth
Posts: 186
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2021 12:18 am

Re: Despair - A Blessing of Satan

Post by Seferoth »

Polyhymnia wrote: Tue Jul 06, 2021 7:38 am
Seferoth wrote: Tue Jun 29, 2021 3:17 pm You see i used to be a Fundementalist Christian and that just kept my depression going as i always felt unworthy or deserving the flames of hell, i never quite felt right. I am now starting to realize that this among other things fed by depression and was one of the reasons why i have felt so miserable for so long. Ever since i found The Star of Azazel, Luciferianism and the writings of Nefastos i have actually started to feel better. I feel that i am finally following the path i have wanted to follow, but has never able to because of fear in damnation/hellfire.
It is often very difficult to loose those bounds of Christianity. I joined the SoA about two and a half years ago now, and I struggled in the back of my mind with identifying as a Satanist for a very similar reason. Though I was atheist for some years, agnostic for others, I still had this secret fear in my heart of eternal damnation. I don't fear that anymore. I hope you continue to feel better as you progress on your Path.
Truth is that i still have my doubts. Heh, it literally feels like i have a devil and angel on each of my shoulders bickering constantly. I miss the feeling of assurance that i once had, that is the most difficult thing for me. I still love Christ, and i always will, so there's that as well. Kind of hard being a satanist when i value Christ more than Lucifer. I kind of feel like a Satanic Christian at the moment. Not sure if there are any lodges who would approve that kind of opinion either so my place in the world is still unsure which causes me anxiety.
Kavi
Posts: 473
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 4:52 pm

Re: Despair - A Blessing of Satan

Post by Kavi »

Seferoth wrote: Tue Jul 06, 2021 2:46 pm
Polyhymnia wrote: Tue Jul 06, 2021 7:38 am
Seferoth wrote: Tue Jun 29, 2021 3:17 pm You see i used to be a Fundementalist Christian and that just kept my depression going as i always felt unworthy or deserving the flames of hell, i never quite felt right. I am now starting to realize that this among other things fed by depression and was one of the reasons why i have felt so miserable for so long. Ever since i found The Star of Azazel, Luciferianism and the writings of Nefastos i have actually started to feel better. I feel that i am finally following the path i have wanted to follow, but has never able to because of fear in damnation/hellfire.
It is often very difficult to loose those bounds of Christianity. I joined the SoA about two and a half years ago now, and I struggled in the back of my mind with identifying as a Satanist for a very similar reason. Though I was atheist for some years, agnostic for others, I still had this secret fear in my heart of eternal damnation. I don't fear that anymore. I hope you continue to feel better as you progress on your Path.
Truth is that i still have my doubts. Heh, it literally feels like i have a devil and angel on each of my shoulders bickering constantly. I miss the feeling of assurance that i once had, that is the most difficult thing for me. I still love Christ, and i always will, so there's that as well. Kind of hard being a satanist when i value Christ more than Lucifer. I kind of feel like a Satanic Christian at the moment. Not sure if there are any lodges who would approve that kind of opinion either so my place in the world is still unsure which causes me anxiety.
I don't have problem in reading about Christianity but I think
I never liked Paul's writings in New Testament and idea of Christ redeeming us so that we could be saved by believing in his divinity. I found Christ as a mere scapegoat.

I think one could think that Satanism could also be presented through idea of negative theology and depth psychology? (Might be incorrect terms I am using here)
Meaning that one believes that no one can be saved except the person themselves by examining these things that are not spoken or cannot be spoken about, things left in shadows and concealed.
I don't know if it's possible to have redemption and salvation in the end, but at least I try.
Seferoth
Posts: 186
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2021 12:18 am

Re: Despair - A Blessing of Satan

Post by Seferoth »

Well, things can change quickly, after reading Apocrypha Lucifera certain things became far more clear to me and my doubts are now fading a way. I kind of understood what I want from life and what i need to do to achieve it. Christianity or holding on to it will not get me there, it literally is just keeping me in place. Also, my affection for Christ is not hindrance in my satanistic path, on the contrary it allows me to see things more clearly, see the whole picture from both sides, and that gives me a deeper vision to the life i want to live, and for knowledge i want to learn. Perhaps it is now time for me to take the next step and start committing to this new path and stop holding on to the past so much.
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