Why do you live on?

Questions directed to the Star of Azazel.
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Nefastos
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Why do you live on?

Postby Nefastos » Fri Dec 26, 2014 7:03 pm

One of the mottos of Necrosophia was from Dostoevsky's book Possessed (or Demons):

"So then, the very laws of the planet are a lie and the vaudeville of devils. What is there to live for? Answer, if you are a man."

So, what's your answer, dear brothers (& our guests)? For regardless of what is our definition of that "vaudeville of devils" - laws of nature & chance, actually malevolent spirits under the influence of Gnostic archons, or something else - in a way that is truth that's not easily denied, if one is a Satanist & not a believer in pantheons of benevolent deities.
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Insanus » Sat Dec 27, 2014 3:43 pm

Nefastos wrote:One of the mottos of Necrosophia was from Dostoevsky's book Possessed (or Demons):

"So then, the very laws of the planet are a lie and the vaudeville of devils. What is there to live for? Answer, if you are a man."

So, what's your answer, dear brothers (& our guests)? For regardless of what is our definition of that "vaudeville of devils" - laws of nature & chance, actually malevolent spirits under the influence of Gnostic archons, or something else - in a way that is truth that's not easily denied, if one is a Satanist & not a believer in pantheons of benevolent deities.
The lie & the vaudeville of devils itself should be a sufficient reason to live on as long as my heart doesn't die. Perhaps I'm not the deepest thinker in this area, but to me it seems that if there is any "Love under Will" (or Atma-Buddhi) the question is unimportant, and if the "Love under Will" is missing, the answer to the question is unimportant.
Myrkky sattuu siihen jolla on haava.
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Nefastos
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Nefastos » Sat Dec 27, 2014 5:05 pm

Insanus wrote:it seems that if there is any "Love under Will" (or Atma-Buddhi) the question is unimportant, and if the "Love under Will" is missing, the answer to the question is unimportant.


Yes, precisely. What I meant with my question was:

What do you love so much that it makes this life worth living, or at least bearable?
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Insanus » Sat Dec 27, 2014 8:05 pm

Nefastos wrote:
Insanus wrote:it seems that if there is any "Love under Will" (or Atma-Buddhi) the question is unimportant, and if the "Love under Will" is missing, the answer to the question is unimportant.


Yes, precisely. What I meant with my question was:

What do you love so much that it makes this life worth living, or at least bearable?
I'm not sure if I understand the question.
There are lots of things I really like, but that become empty and useless if I won't put my heart into them. Love is first, the thing loved is secondary. I mean, I could list a ton of things I enjoy in life, but the second I put them on a "my-reason-to-live"-pedestal I mock life, and destroy the ground that made those things important in the first place. The only honest way of answering I can think of is to love the possibility of mistakes so much it makes life worth living.
Myrkky sattuu siihen jolla on haava.
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Nefastos » Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:07 am

Insanus wrote:I'm not sure if I understand the question.
There are lots of things I really like, but that become empty and useless if I won't put my heart into them. Love is first, the thing loved is secondary.


I agree that one should choose to put one's heart (kindle one's love) into something, rather than just passively waiting for touching enough experiences to snatch one's heart away. But in a way, those two are always entwined; love cannot be made to exist without love being present there beforehand - it's that cultivation of love we can choose. To make the fire blaze from the ashes or from friction. But we have some reason to do that, & that is the love (will of the love, if you want) which guides us in the first place. Will & love cannot be separated, for love is the direction for the will, as will is the dynamism for love.

So, the question remains... What are the things that you love, or choose to love, or which bring about your universal love? Even if one says he loves all (including dentist, cancer & rape) I say there are things he loves more than others, & those are the things which keep him going.

orn wrote:It seems I'll leave community, with wiching good and best to all of you.


Fare you well on your chosen Path!
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Wyrmfang » Sun Dec 28, 2014 4:26 pm

I think we essentially lack the cognitive access to answer why we really live on. For example, some years ago, when I felt life much heavier than now, I thought I live on because of certain doctrines concerning afterlife I back then took for granted. That is to say I believed I lived on because it is rational not to kill oneself. However, today I not only acknowledge that it wasn´t the reason why I really lived on, but I also think that the "reason to live" can never be rational, in the strict sense of the word. It´s always essentially something drive-like, be the "reason" selfish or altruistic.

I hope today I live on first of all because I wish to give myself in service of mankind. However, since I don´t find life anymore that miserable, I also live simply because I rather live than die. Even if life will again show its bitter face, I would probably like to live on because of simple curiosity what will become and because life can be seen as a work of art. So it´s impossible to say what is ultimately subordinate to something else.
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Benemal » Mon Dec 29, 2014 3:43 pm

I love dogs and cats, cyborgs and mutants, trees and some insects. Not absolutely everything living, but I feel and am connected to everything living, and that of course is everything, that is. I love darkness and I mean this very romantically. I am troll, rather than a ray of light. If I believed there's an escape in death, I probably wouldn't be alive, but I know now, that I made the right choice. I love birds. They are dinosaurs of the distant future.
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Kenazis » Mon Dec 29, 2014 6:49 pm

Nefastos wrote:
What do you love so much that it makes this life worth living, or at least bearable?
In the bottom of all things in my life is Doubt and Awe of living. In the end everything is possible and to explore these possibilities while knowing that the ultimate answer will always escape is just so freaking awesome that I can't get enough of it.
"In darkness let me dwell, The ground shall sorrow be..."
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Insanus » Tue Dec 30, 2014 5:43 pm

Nefastos wrote:
Insanus wrote:I'm not sure if I understand the question.
There are lots of things I really like, but that become empty and useless if I won't put my heart into them. Love is first, the thing loved is secondary.


I agree that one should choose to put one's heart (kindle one's love) into something, rather than just passively waiting for touching enough experiences to snatch one's heart away. But in a way, those two are always entwined; love cannot be made to exist without love being present there beforehand - it's that cultivation of love we can choose. To make the fire blaze from the ashes or from friction. But we have some reason to do that, & that is the love (will of the love, if you want) which guides us in the first place. Will & love cannot be separated, for love is the direction for the will, as will is the dynamism for love.

So, the question remains... What are the things that you love, or choose to love, or which bring about your universal love? Even if one says he loves all (including dentist, cancer & rape) I say there are things he loves more than others, & those are the things keep him going.]


I think we either use the words will & love differently, or disagree a bit. Emotional bonds & motivational (=ultimately sexual in the broad sense of the word) drives are results of love, forms & limitations of love. To love one thing more than another is not "love" in my book, but an expression of love through personality, an act of love.
The answer to the question "why i won't kill myself" does not lie in the preferred way of expressing love, (or the "things I love") but in the consciousness of love itself. Otherwise my love of life would be towards something less than life, kama would be vampirizing buddhi so to speak.
To love life is to prefer incompleteness over unity (as nothingness) or a will to create and that sort of "cosmic evil"-drive or passion is the reason to live on, if one is needed. It's a question of context or angle where that "incompleteness beyond all" can be seen. Sometimes things and people show their will to be & or manifest just the way they are. That makes me more loving and happy than anything be it in a painful or pleasant way.
Myrkky sattuu siihen jolla on haava.
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Re: Why do you live on?

Postby Cancer » Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:54 pm

A while back, when I was (again!) thinking about suicide, I came up with the idea of simply listing things that make my life worth living. In that extremely painful mental state the most honest answer for this thread's question seemed to be something seemingly trivial and very exact, rather like Benemals reply (which is awesome). I love darkness as well and mean this just as romantically; I love art, especially literature; I love the smell of melting snow and wet earth in early spring. That I love the people I love goes without saying. And oh, of course, I love Satan.

I think that arguing about which comes first, love itself or the thing(s) loved, is like arguing about which is more important, the centre point in a circle or the circumference. One cannot be concious of love without it being bound to some form, and it of course cannot manifest if it doesn't exist "first".

What love is bound to - and how - is not unimportant. If the joint to something formal is too uncompromising, love becomes choked, and if it's too loose, love dissolves.
Tiden läker inga sår.

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