Becoming and being a satanist

[Aquila]

How did you become a satanist and how did it affect your life? I suppose that many people on this board as well as satanists in general have first gone through stages of opposition (towards christianity/other religions, society, etc.), hatred and other negative and destructive aspects and feelings. Although most people survive (yet not understand) those phases which can turn out to become very difficult, it seems that sooner or later many of them leave satanism behind and never find the more profound side of Satan. How did you find the devotion to dig deeper into Satanism and assumably occultism?

What makes person a satanist? I believe there are a lot of people who could be defined as satanists but they haven't acknowledged it consciously by themselves. With this I mean that they haven't found out the spiritual nature of Satan/Lucifer and its connection to their inner selves which I think is a crucial part of being a satanist. Is there any other attributes that represent a "typical" satanist?

[Fomalhaut]

It was age of 12-13 that I started to feel I did not share the same moral and religious norms that most of the society have in my country. They were the ages I started to listen to Heavy Metal and its sub-genres. I started to get curious about the lyrics of the Black Metal bands I was listening to and I started to make researches over their lyrics. I had all of those phases but I had never been physically destructive. Although I had very destructive thoughts in spiritual and mental ways and they affected my life and other people's life around me negatively.

I believe that those phases are,in a way, necessary or they happen to everyone during the process of Enlightenment and understanding of the True-self.

[Absconditus]

Looking back all these years, I think the starting point for my satanism was the search for independence from everything that was surrounding me at the time. This independence, I thought, could be found through hatred and lust for power. Of course, I couldn't have been more wrong, but luckily I managed to stay alive and didn't spread too much destruction going through these phases. Pretty soon from the start, I had no other purpose than to find out what we are and why are we here. In addition to that and my stubbornness, the undeniable adversarial and satanic nature of the universe is what kept me going here. I think, when you pass a certain point, there's no going back. You just see things differently.

In my opinion, a satanist could be defined as a person who is pursuing knowledge and growth, primarily or secondarily, through the negative aspects of life (death, separation, etc) and attributes these adversarial forces to Satan. In this regard I'd say there are many who are satanic in nature, but will not be labeled as satanists because they don't acknowledge something that is called Satan.

[Wyrmfang]

As long as I remember my mind has been full of hate, depression, fear, death, torture, perversions and nightmarish visions. I guess it was natural for me to find black metal music in an age of 13. I guess I was 16 when I considered myself as a satanist. It could be said Satan meant for me two interconnected things: the essence behind all that negative energy I had been dealing with and rebellion against all moral, religious, political etc. norms.

I think I was 17 when I consciously interested in occultism. That took me very soon to writings of Johannes Nefastos and Helena Blavatsky. Mainly these writings opened a holistic occult world view for me. Gradually I had more conscious and especially construtive view on satanism.

I don´t want give any absolute characteristics to Satan or satanists. One aspect of Satan is after all the unseen, the feared and hated, the opposer. So if you define absolutely what is Satan or satanism, you´ll find one day, that you have to destroy your dear conceptions.

[Nefastos]

So if you define absolutely what is Satan or satanism, you´ll find one day, that you have to destroy your dear conceptions.

That's very true.

Although I want to say that it is this particular thing that gives us an immovable point in Satan, paradoxically helping to define Him. For what is the only thing where always is a point of opposition for every characteristic we can think of?

Only the Absolute. And that is why I have said that Satan is the highest manifestation of God. He's the only god who really can manifest the unmanifested, the unattainable perfection.

Is there any other attributes that represent a "typical" satanist?

I think that a Satanist can't accept dogma, but still seeks after truth.

For if one can define spirituality, as he thinks, flawlessly, he isn't a Satanist but a Right Hand Path believer; that is, part of the spiritual herd (of sheep, as they say).

And if he can't accept dogma but doesn't seek the truth with fervour & flaming heart, he's just your average Joe. There's nothing particularly Satanic in mundane rebellion, no matter if you seek the power through violence or drugs or sex or any other supposedly Satanic way. Every dreg of a man can do those things, without believing in Satan or in anything. We need spirituality to carry the spiritual name, and Satan is a name for a spiritual entity.

How did you become a satanist...?

Theodicy.

I tried really hard to "forgive" God all the suffering in the world. I couldn't. All that focusing into problem of evil & suffering lead me to embrace darkness, since I saw that the dualism that other spirituality demands can't be philosophically nor ethically valid. God is Satan. The best possible outcome for material manifestation would be its utter annihilation.

The thing is, that can't be done through violence in any level. And that's why the both Paths must be joined together: worship of Death as the yearning after the supreme perfection; and worship of Love that we can attain that perfection once and for all, without emotional reactions & repercussions & the infernal reincarnation, of which doctrine's validity I have no doubt.

...and how did it affect your life?

At first, the already intolerable existence was made even more tormenting, if possible. After a few years (7 I think), the greatest clarity & spiritual rapture. When I had learnt to dismiss mental violence in all levels besides the false religions' dualism. For there is hidden dualism even in occult traditions & on human psyche's many levels, and it takes time to trace & purify most of that.

[Aquila]

I tried really hard to "forgive" God all the suffering in the world. I couldn't. All that focusing into problem of evil & suffering lead me to embrace darkness, since I saw that the dualism that other spirituality demands can't be philosophically nor ethically valid. God is Satan. The best possible outcome for material manifestation would be its utter annihilation.

The thing is, that can't be done through violence in any level. And that's why the both Paths must be joined together: worship of Death as the yearning after the supreme perfection; and worship of Love that we can attain that perfection once and for all, without emotional reactions & repercussions & the infernal reincarnation, of which doctrine's validity I have no doubt.

I think here is an idea that is not too often heard (at least not by me). When I was into Buddhism I already thought something like: "isn't enlightenment equal to the total death of everything?" I was in awe when the idea came to my mind. Of course the basic mistake that people make is to forget the enlightenment (through supreme perfections that you already mentioned) and only support the ideas of annihilation and total death that only lead to heavier karmic burden and increasing need for worse and worse reincarnations.

[Eradicatus]

For some or most during their beginning Stages of taking a Interest and diving in to the path of Satanism some do start off through negative stages and influences and it can be due to events they went through or are currently facing, especially the undeveloped and young will end up taking a wrong approach in to it, so it is common of course for those who get in to Satanism to make mistakes when they get influenced in to it but in time we learn.

I admit growing up I faced many of negative influences and took the wrong steps, especially through events I prefer not to mention, Since the age of 13 after a event that changed my perspective on life I grew a Sudden urge to get in to Satanism though at the time I had no knowledge on the Occult and was mislead, since I was young and did not have proper instructions I made mistakes that I shouldn't of done which had some negative consequences. In time as I got older I took some time to do some research as I could even though I was still in a rush to learn, eventually at the age of 18 when I made a certain friend who today I am on very good terms with let me take a look at some of his books when I spotted them, he informed me to take my time to learn and do as much studying as I could before getting in to Practicing any ritual, though he is not a follower of the Left Hand path he did give me good advice which I do take in to account.

[obnoxion]

My path begun at an early age. As long as i could remember, i had been puzzled by questions that i thought i couldn't get answers to, except from the heart of darkness. And as soon as i had any chance of independent pursuits, i started to make my way into that darkness of knowledge.

My story is not unlike those of Naropa or Milarespa, for, although a much lesser man than these, i too sank quite deep into demonism before i could catch a glimpse of a more pure form of the left-handed way.

Edit: Typos

[Necrosophiacos]

I believe we are born Satanists as we carry the fiery spiritual bloodline of the Serpent, through Master Qayin. Since an early age we feel within ourselves and urge to search for darkness and a feeling of otherness, like our kingdom is not of this world. Our fiery bloodline and the Demons speak to us in our dreams and by omens in our daily lives when awake. When I was around nine years old I found great attraction for both the Death and the Devil tarot trumps from a book of occult sciences of my now diseased father who was a witchdoctor. This awakened great and new feelings, which i still keep. i love the covers and artworks of Metal albums and the lyrics with occult content.
I became a satanist by that inner call from the Master and the practice of dark sorcery, going in the woods at night, making bonfires and calling upon the spirits, carving sigils and using barbarous words. To be honest I have always felt Satan is real, a sentient and conscious entity. When first I read the Laveyan Satanic Bible to me it was a hoax, I believe Satanism without Satan is like drinking beer without alcohol, you get nothing from it. True Satanism is Devil Worship, to search stablishing a relationship with him and his demons. Something we carry inside, and nobody can take it away from us, as we are His. Sometimes i have asked myself if Satan chosed me or I chosed him, i believe he did. As I live for him, search on everything that may carry His acosmic essence could as simple as a Black Metal song, a passage from a book, or the contemplation of his Sacred symbols.
Being a satanist is a life or various life endeavor, the worship of the Master, facing the inherent adversity of this material world and actively opposing the blinding forms and dogmas from those who follow the white light and the path of the dayside. We walk the path of Nod, here shall be blood, thorns and tears, but it really worth it.

[emmy]

Ive become a satanist because other religions didnt give me the freedom to just be myself without worrying who I would upset next. Finally realizing that he loves us all is such a weight off my small shoulders an it has given me my spirit strength back.