Suicide

Rational discussions on metaphysical and abstract topics.
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Polyhymnia
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Re: Suicide

Post by Polyhymnia »

obnoxion wrote: Mon Jan 20, 2020 10:27 pm
Umbra wrote: Mon Jan 20, 2020 9:15 am You are way more likely to injure yourself horribly and be stuck in an even worse situation than to succeed in ending the suffering.
This is extremely good point. Many people don't realize just how often and how severely this is the outcome of attempted suicide, and that even the most violent means will not guarantee death.

Though it must be possible to find the meaning to one's life that one couldn't find before becoming permanently disabled because of suicide attempt. But it will likely be a difficult road.

However, it is good to read of experiences where attempted suicide has become a blessing in life.
When my dear friend committed suicide in 2017 he didn't pass over for a week. That week was brutal, and filled with everyone praying that he would pull through. But being with him every day, seeing the vegetative state he was in, I couldn't help but think what an awful quality of life he would have had if they had succeeded in keeping him alive. Suicide is such a hard topic because there isn't much in the way of comfort for those left behind, and honouring the choice of the person in question is a very hard pill to swallow. Both my husband and I are suicide survivors. I have some mild damage to my liver that occasionally comes up in imaging tests to serve as a reminder, nothing major, but my husband's arms are just covered with scars from very deep cuts, reminding him every day. Weird little blessings because life seldom feels that dark these days, but we'll never forget.
"Limited love asks for possession of the beloved, but the unlimited asks only for itself." -Kahlil Gibran
obnoxion
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Re: Suicide

Post by obnoxion »

Polyhymnia wrote: Thu Jan 30, 2020 10:13 pm
obnoxion wrote: Mon Jan 20, 2020 10:27 pm
Umbra wrote: Mon Jan 20, 2020 9:15 am You are way more likely to injure yourself horribly and be stuck in an even worse situation than to succeed in ending the suffering.
This is extremely good point. Many people don't realize just how often and how severely this is the outcome of attempted suicide, and that even the most violent means will not guarantee death.

Though it must be possible to find the meaning to one's life that one couldn't find before becoming permanently disabled because of suicide attempt. But it will likely be a difficult road.

However, it is good to read of experiences where attempted suicide has become a blessing in life.
When my dear friend committed suicide in 2017 he didn't pass over for a week. That week was brutal, and filled with everyone praying that he would pull through. But being with him every day, seeing the vegetative state he was in, I couldn't help but think what an awful quality of life he would have had if they had succeeded in keeping him alive. Suicide is such a hard topic because there isn't much in the way of comfort for those left behind, and honouring the choice of the person in question is a very hard pill to swallow. Both my husband and I are suicide survivors. I have some mild damage to my liver that occasionally comes up in imaging tests to serve as a reminder, nothing major, but my husband's arms are just covered with scars from very deep cuts, reminding him every day. Weird little blessings because life seldom feels that dark these days, but we'll never forget.
It seems it can become a source of strength by time to be subtly marked by suicide. Then there are the grave reminders, like my ex-teacher's brother, who tried to shoot himslef into the mouth. It is surprisingly easy to miss the brain that way, and he had half of his face completely disfigured, and he wore an eye patch. I always thought it must have hurt like hell to shoot oneself in the face through the mouth.

But at least he had most of his functions intact. The sadder stories are those where people get paralyzed from the neck down or becone mentally retarded due to lack of oxidence. And these are terribly common outcomes, though these people tend to go ubder the radar, living in nursing homes and other such restricted surroundings their remaining lives. And, I must add, they may very well have a room mate there whose mistake was to ride a bicycle without a helmet on...
One day of Brahma has 14 Indras; his life has 54 000 Indras. One day of Vishnu is the lifetime of Brahma. The lifetime of Vishnu is one day of Shiva.
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LunaticSun
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Re: Suicide

Post by LunaticSun »

I've been considering suicide for quite a while now... and was planning to do it this Saturday. I got everything ready and was writing my diary. Then i remember tomorrow would be thursday. and thursday was a day when Scary Terry club would always mmet up. It was a religious club that i started with couple of classmates back in secondary school just for the fun of devoting ourselves to something spiritual and for having a reason to stay together a little longer after classes finish.

I was addressing him in my diary, as if writing a letter, to tell him that i would make a wonderful song for him this night and sing it tomorrow for him. And then there appeared this super rational thought "PARENTS, YOU IDIOT! PARENTS!"

I have thought about it a lot before. But lately I felt such a despair, and such certainty in making own demise that it felt more powerful than this obvious rational thought. But it sparked anew, with refreshed powers that feel alien to my self. Just like the Scary Terry that I made up back then. I made him. But I never felt he was my creation.

And now I feel like I'm gonna do some heresy, but I guess I'd better devote myself to this little deity of mine. Though what changes here is probably only imagery and level of intimacy. and if you wish to learn about it, I will leave the link on my profile page to the site where I will be gradually publishing explanations and my suppositions on what Scary Terry is. Cos it remains an alien phenomena to me. Though this old shtupid childish brainchild postponed my suicide, unless totally prevented it. Even though I hope I will get back to it when I get such possibility.
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Rúnatýr
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Re: Suicide

Post by Rúnatýr »

Hoping not to sound too paternalizing, I sincerely wish you'll get past the despair and the suicidal thoughts LunaticSun.
Wealth is a comfort to all; yet everyone must bestow it freely, if they wish to gain honor in the sight of the Lord.
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Nefastos
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Re: Suicide

Post by Nefastos »

LunaticSun wrote: Thu Jan 28, 2021 12:59 amAnd now I feel like I'm gonna do some heresy, but I guess I'd better devote myself to this little deity of mine.

I have thought somewhat similar thoughts. It comes close to our recent talks about fantasy fiction in this forum. That there is a powerful world of astral/imagination, or the "Neptunian" sphere like we used to call it with a friend. The world both real & unreal, and a bit different to the actual lofty archetypes of the metaphysics, yet potentially extremely powerful in its help, when tapped right. Personally I have done such fantasy astral trips with entities I know for a fact do not exist in our meaning of existing in reality, yet these trips (which I go through when I am going to sleep) have helped me & my health a lot. The world is a bit more weird & wonderful than can be easily grasped with dry logic.

I think we should perhaps open a new topic for this idea of "imaginary friends" – weird personal astral entities – as well.

About the subject at hand, I too wish you strength, LunaticSun. Thoughts on suicide are very familiar to me, and have once again been a couple steps closer to coming to fruition in the recent weeks.
Faust: "Lo contempla. / Ei muove in tortuosa spire / e s'avvicina lento alla nostra volta. / Oh! se non erro, / orme di foco imprime al suol!"
Mars
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Re: Suicide

Post by Mars »

I've also had plenty of suicidal thoughts. Mostly these happened when I was younger, during some very dark periods. Nowadays in my dark moments I struggle more with thoughts of self-harm than suicide.

What has helped me most is the thought that every day is an opportunity to do work, to do something constructive that has effects that go beyond my own life. Even as a depressed teenager when I was drowning myself in fantasy books and black metal and wasn't that deep in occultism yet I was thinking that there must be something here, a some form of meaning in this life that I'll try my best to understand. And there is wisdom, love and compassion, even though it's obviously quite hard to see when the darkness falls.

Sincerest well wishes to you, LunaticSun, and all those who struggle with their lives.
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Polyhymnia
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Re: Suicide

Post by Polyhymnia »

I have been thinking a lot about this topic since its recent resurrection. A young woman and I bonded in our late teens over our abusive partners who were best friends. One particular occasion stands out in my mind where her and I were kicked out of my house and left in the cold. We snuck in to grab blankets, came back outside, and spent the next several hours holding each other for warmth and comfort, intimately discussing our joint sad state of affairs and the reasons we stayed. Ultimately it came down to fear, drug addiction, but mostly self-worth. She shared with me that she felt as though she was born to die young, and wasn't too attached to living from a very young age. I shared in her sentiment. We shared many intimate moments like this, a comfort I was grateful for and memories I'm even more grateful for. As we grew up and apart, as happens, we lost touch. I ran into her once, briefly, during adulthood. A few months later I found out from a mutual friend that she had finally done it and taken her own life. I think about her often both fondly and with great sadness. I feel awful that she lived so long knowing from such a young age she wanted to die. How painful most days must have been. But mostly I wish a selfish wish, that she had found the will the stay among us. So many of my friends have died, and it's hard to not selfishly wish they had stayed.

Hoping you are well, LunaticSun, and that our wishes for strength have reached you.
"Limited love asks for possession of the beloved, but the unlimited asks only for itself." -Kahlil Gibran
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LunaticSun
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Re: Suicide

Post by LunaticSun »

:( thank you everyone. Hope that you are doing well and that such thoughts will stop burdening you. I still don't know what to reply with really,.. I'm glad my message touched something within you i guess. Memories. You may take something good out of them so probably my message was not that meaningless. Let's just hold tight to the shipboard
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